Transformers Age of Extinction {Mom Movie Review}

Transformers 4 Age of Extinction Mom Movie ReviewWe went to see Transformers: Age of Extinction this weekend.

We see the late show, which started at 11:20 pm.  We go out after the littles are in bed and leave my olders to watch them.  The movie is 2 hours and 45 minutes long.  Add on the previews and we didn’t leave the theater until 2:30 am.   I gotta stop doing that, I’m way too old for that stuff.

Back to the movie review. It was so much better than the last Transformers*, but that’s not exactly a high bar, is it?

{Spoiler Alert! But since this is a movie review, you’re expecting that, right?}

It’s a Michael Bay film and like all his films, the explosions just keep coming, and coming, and coming.  It almost felt like he was just checking things off his list- car chase, check.  Car chase in reverse, check. Destroy landmark, check. Raining destruction, check. Oh, here’s a twist.  Let’s have boats! Fall from the sky! Check and check.

Plot synopsis: Greedy corporate billionaire and greedy corrupt CIA official collude to melt down the old Transformers and make new ones that are programmed by people. They will make billions of dollars.  Their plan goes awry and the VERY FATE OF THE WORLD depends on Mark Wahlberg, plus his daughter in tight jeans and the cute guy with dimples.  Also there are Transformers and cities are destroyed.  And for some reason, the President’s Chief of Staff is Ned Flanders.

The movie is about 45 minutes too long- and those 45 minutes are scene after scene of explosions, implosions, falling buildings, and destruction.  It got so tedious my mind had time to wander which is not a good thing when you plot is full of holes.

Plot holes such as, if Optimus Prime can fly into outer space at any time he wishes, then what was that nonsense of the humans having a car chase to get the Seed out of the city?  Optimus should have just grabbed it and flew out to the moon or Mars or wherever. Problem solved.  Or how Kelsey Grammar (sorry, no idea what his character was actually named. Tuned it out.) manages to figure out the exact spot Cade (Mark Wahlberg) will be standing in after the dust clears and half of Hong Kong is in ruins, for a cringe worthy confrontation.

Then let’s get to the girl problem.  This version has girls, of course.  The main girl (Tessa, played by Nicola Peltz) wears short shorts, tight jeans, and tank tops.  She’s tan, her pink lipstick never fades or smudges, and her blonde hair flutters attractively in the blasts from all the explosions.  Actually all of the women in the movie are sexy blondes, with a few sexy brunettes thrown in, except for the sexy Asian one who is a master at martial arts and kicks butt while wearing stilettos without a hair falling out of place or smearing her ruby lipstick.  Tessa cries out for Daddy to help her and thanks her boyfriend for saving her a lot, even after she kills aliens and escapes from robots on her own in the intergalactic spaceship.  Yep, it was the boyfriend who showed up later who saved her. Yep. {eyeroll}

The movie does lack sex scenes, thankfully. No one wants to see alien tongues being shoved down people’s throats, you hear that Transformers 2?  No drug jokes or pot themes.  It’s almost wholesome (almost).  I could have done without the car full of 17 year old girls joking about getting wasted to celebrate graduation, and there was some innuendo in one of the driving scenes.  There’s language and lots of violence.

All of the Autobots are straight up stereotypes, just like the other movies. For example, the Asian Autobot looks like a Samurai warrior and spouts random Eastern philosophy quotes, and has a heavy Japanese accent.  John Goodman’s Hound is the exactly what you’d expect a cigar chomping fat old drill sergeant to be. There is no nuance.

They are cartoon character cutouts, but then again who goes to a movie like Transformers looking for character development? (See above note: it’s a Michael Bay movie. It’s not like he has a broad range.

And then! DINOBOTS! Finally.  They should have trimmed half an hour from the tedious battle scenes and added 10 more minutes explaining the backstory of the Dinobots.  Pretty much they appear, Optimus punches one in the face, then they are all teammates working to kill the Stingers.  They were by far the coolest part of the film and I wish we had seen more of them.  If I remember from the cartoon when I was a kid, the Dinobots had names and personalities; in this movie they’re basically just animal-like Transformers.

The “Age of Extinction” story line is thin and poorly developed, aside from having giant fire breathing prehistoric Transformers. (HECK YEAH! MORE PLEASE!) The movie opens with dinosaurs, there’s a bit about how greedy folk will cause the extinction of the human race because blah blah Seed blah blah Megatron is alive blah blah blah.  Whatever. I guess they had to call it something.  Other theme that never quite makes it off the ground: Humans make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes are the best thing ever.  Also, Daddies protect their daughters (nice); then Dads hand off his daughter to the boyfriend he just met the day before to “protect her always” (what? Boo.)

Still it was entertaining, and it’s exactly what you would expect it to be.  It’s mindless entertainment, won’t be winning any awards.  Stanley Tucci is enjoyable, and the 3D effects are well done.

Have you seen it? What did I miss?

Blogging with Integrity: There’s an Amazon affiliate link in this post, marked with a *. If your boys are crazy for Transformers toys take a peek and thanks for supporting this site!

I love comments. Tell me what you think!

  • Renee Hartenberger Qpon Junkie July 8, 2014, 9:56 pm

    Lisa, I was so entertained by your review of Transformers: Age of Extinction. I was reading your review in my Dr.’s office and know I laughed out loud several times. I have not seen the movie yet, but now I can’t wait. I am sure many of your comments I will reflect on when I am watching the movie and have another good laugh! Thanks for the thorough review.

    Reply

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