In part 1, I shared with you with stories of my rocky parenting of our firstborn, Mr R.  We finally got a diagnosis of bipolar for him.  Here’s how we coped immediately after the diagnosis.

Also at age 7, he began attending a small private school with his brother. He was in a mixed Kindergarten/first grade classroom. His brother, a newly minted 6 year old, was in Kindergarten – and my son was placed there as well. Brother made progress – his teacher called him a model student. My BP son would have failed Kindergarten, except I withdrew him early because of a lot of complicated politics at the church. He was there on scholarship – my family has been associated with that church for quite a while, and although I didn’t attend the parish, my brother, landlord, and several friends did. I cleaned the school twice a month and volunteered as part of tuition, as well. My son’s first grade teacher, in her sixties and truly a gifted educator, agreed with me that something was seriously wrong.

Before he started school that year, I took him to our priest for a special blessing. Not quite a full exorcism, which requires an investigation and the approval of the bishop, but one step down from that. I really do think I explored every option. (well, I didn’t do past life regression. I said I’m a quack, not stupid and crazy.) I read all manner of books, prayed, slipped Scripture verses under his pillow. Husband annointed the house with oil and rebuked Satan. (He’s a Baptist turned non-denominational).

I had him tested by the local school district, who gave him the ironic label of “Significantly Identifiable Emotional Disability”. I say ironic, because they did not identify the emotional disability, just called him SIED.  But he did qualify for services, which, in that rural district and through the private school, was going to consist of twice weekly sessions with a social worker to work on self esteem issues.

I declined, and was then accused of child abuse. It seems that putting dear son in the shower to help snap him out of his 6 hour rages is abusive. I thought not giving your child a bath was abusive, but I guess I’m not a trained social worker. A child voluntarily taking a bath is ok. Making them do it is not. Go figure. I think it’s because the school district, one ofthe less affluent, wasn’t going to get their federal funds for my son unless they provided some sort of service for him, and they were trying to pressure me. Ha! I am not easily pressured, swayed, or influenced. I believe I am what people call mule-headed.

Anyway, throughout all of this, I was working 2 jobs, then 1 job, had a baby, and spent several months with my husband working out of state to support us. Still seeking treatment through the medical establishment. Finally getting a diagnosis.

My husband and I made the decision to put dear son, age 7, on antipsychotic medication. A dangerous proposition, especially as this was an off-label use (that medication has since been approved for use in autistic children.) However, bipolar disorder has a 15% fatality rate (from suicide), not counting shortened lifespans from alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and risk taking behaviors, which BP’s do at an astronomical rate. He had already talked about killing himself, and we ended up having to lock the knives up for a while, with the food, since I kept finding them in his room. Remember, this kid was a scrawny 7 year old, not a troubled teen!

A few weeks went by. Dear son, always the special one, will not take medicine or pills. He’s also the biggest wimp. So, we figured out how to put the pills in a spoonful of applesauce – sometimes several spoonfuls – and tweaked the dose and the timing. The medication made him more normal. Able to stop himself before he got mad-but when he got mad, it was all over. Could be 4-6 hours before he was coherent again, another 2-3 before he was a little boy again. He had those rages several times a week. He is about 18 months to 2 years behind in emotional development, plays better with 6 year olds than 8 or 9 year olds, and I think a large part of this is the time he missed when he was raging. He would rarely remember anything that happened, would express surprise at broken toys, would ask me what happened to the wall… he literally had 15-20 hours a week of his entire life missing.

The medication gave our family a break. It allowed my spirit, as well as his, to heal. I had a heart for my son again. I had been praying for years – literally – to love him the way I do now. So much damage is done, however, when I would spend hours holding him in the basket weave hold while he thrashed and spit and bit and said all manner of nasty things.

Everything was on hold all of the time because of him.  Meals were destroyed, siblings caught in the crossfire, and many trips were not taken. Family relationships were affected as many thought I was too easy, should spank him more, needed to crack down, needed to be consistent. Even though my other children were turning out pretty good. Others in my family thought I needed to lighten up, relax, give the kid a break. I couldn’t win for losing. My dear son also developed quite and acrimonious relationship with his grandmother.

The meds helped us heal, and allowed us to get on with our lives. I took dear son out of school in April. He turned 8, I quit my job and was home with him, again trying the homeschooling to catch him up. Husband went out of state for 7 weeks, we moved across the country, and dear son started in a wonderful special education program at the public school. His class has 5 students, 2 adults (teacher and assistant), and is designed specifically for children who are behind grade level due to emotional/mood problems. It is truly a godsend!

The medication sabbatical, and a training system detailed in “Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach“, really helped us get our feet back under us. The credit system from the book has since been dropped, but it allowed him to see he could do better. It allowed me to replace my mental image of him, to see he could do well, even excel, be normal, have a conversation. It was exactly what we needed. However, I wasn’t comfortable giving him this medication for life. There are serious side effects, including heart disease, high cholesterol, and long term use can cause diabetes. I kept looking for a better way.