I was attending my husband’s father’s memorial service.

It was a hard day.

Hard because my father-in-law’s girlfriend pulled the plug, without calling family.  I found out she had all the tubes removed by accident (I happened to stop by for a visit, and managed to rush home in time to send husband dear to the hospital before his father took his last breath.)

Hard because it was the first time one of my children realized death was final.  He lost it, and then so did we.

Hard because my husband is an orphan.

Here are some of my words that day:

My relationship with Bob is a little unusual. Although I have been his daughter-in-law for over ten years, I did not have the privilege of meeting him until a couple of years ago. Yet, I feel like I already knew him. I knew him through his wife, Ginny, and I knew him through his son, my husband Thomas.

I knew him to be an honorable man. At one point, he became a whistleblower at one of the nuclear facilities he worked at. He did not turn a blind eye, but gave up his career in order to do what was right.

Bob stood by his family no matter what. He loved his children unconditionally and fully. He always had time to chat, and always made time to write. No matter what, Bob was there for his family. When our firstborn son came into the world, I was pleased to give him the name of Robert. His example of what a man is lives on every day in my family. Every time my husband hugs his children, teaches them something new, or shows them how to eat an oyster I know that he learned it at Bob’s knee.

James Barron Hope says, “Tis after death that we measure men.” This is the measure of Bob – loyal, honorable, delighting in Nature, and always ready to be a friend.

We were so blessed to be able to spend these last few months near each other. He introduced my children to his unchanging love, the sea. He would patiently help them clean the shells that they found together and tell them the names of the creatures. When the afternoon faded into evening, we would light a fire. He loved to help them throw anything they could find to see if it would burn! It is an honor to be a part of his family, and I could not ask for a better father-in-law.

The emptiness in our lives now cannot be put into words, but the Scriptures describe a part of our sorrow:

Psalm 38
I am bowed down and brought very low;
all day long I go about mourning.
I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.

May you find eternal rest with your Creator.

Love,
The mother of your grandchildren.

May he rest in peace, Amen.